Talk Dirty To Me
by Chumunga64
Summary: Jirou overhears Midnight having phonesex with Iida and decides to eavesdrop


Kyoka Jirou was minding her business walking down the halls of one of UA's larger buildings. The building was large to accommodate the majority of classes such as ranging from hero studies to more conventional classes like English or math. The weekend had just started so there was a certain spring to her step. Thankfully, all of her teachers decided to go light on the homework today and some like Aizawa didn't assign any homework for the weekend. Though she had to admit Aizawa didn't give out any homework because he fell asleep five minutes before class ended.

As she walked past Midnight's room she heard her Modern Hero Art History teacher on the phone with someone. She debated listening in to the conversation at first (a little bit of Ashido and Tooru rubbing off on her) but decided against it. She had better things to do than to eavesdrop on her teacher.

"Pfft, Like I'm that desperate for excitement…"

But as soon as she started walking away she heard something _absolutely scandalous_

"I can't wait for tonight _Mr. Iida_ " the tone she used was her signature "breathy seductive voice" that she used in interviews by the media. The fact that she was talking to fucking Iida of all people was too crazy to believe. Sure, she heard rumors from Kaminari and Mineta that Midnight sometimes had sex with students but she always thought that those were just stupid tales from those gross pervs.

But she was sure that she heard the words "Mr. Iida" come out of Midnight's mouth and not only that; she also said that "she couldn't wait for tonight" and Jirou was pretty sure they weren't going to do some late-night study sessions.

Jirou quickly tiptoed to the closest part of the wall relative to Midnight and plugged one of her ears to get a clearer sound.

In an instant, her eardrums were assaulted by more of her lascivious tones.

"God Mr. Iida, you're so good to me! What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Jirou quickly blinked in confusion. Apparently, Iida was a freak underneath the boring, rules obsessed surface. She knew that she shouldn't judge people based on surface level observations but Iida really did hide his wild side quite well.

 _Then again, he does show that he's pretty good actor whenever we do heroes vs. villain exercises._ Jirou thought.

"How long has it been, darling? How long has it been since we've been together, 7 months?"

Jirou covered her mouth to silence that surprised yelp that was threatening to come out. Iida and Midnight have been in a relationship since the school year started? How is that even possible?! Did they just see each other and go "yup, definitely having sex with this person"? Half of Jirou wanted to stop this at once while the other half was eager to keep listening

"It's been so fun bragging about you to the other teachers Mr. Iida! Shouta kept bugging me about how it's a "conflict of interest" dating you but I bet that he's just using that to get the heat off him since he's dating another teacher. Besides, there's nothing in the UA handbook that says we can't be seeing each other. Everyone else seems happy enough about us though…"

Why the hell did the student handbook have no rules about teachers and students dating? Jirou assumed that the rules against such a thing were never written because the people who wrote them never imagined that such a thing would happen in UA.

Jirou was also shocked that all of the teachers apparently knew of Iida and Midnight's love affair and that they were cool with it! Aizawa was the only person who seemed to have his head on straight since he objected to them being together. Though his language was surprisingly calm for such a blunt teacher…

 _Fucking "conflict of interest"_ Jirou scoffed _this was a scandal waiting to happen!_

Jirou took a deep breath and tried to rationalize what she was hearing. Iida wasn't an _uncommon_ name so maybe Midnight was talking to someone else? Yeah, that had to be it! Midnight was known for her beauty and she could probably score any guy she wanted; so why the hell would she settle for one of her students?

"Hmm, I can tell you're excited honey...I can _feel_ your engines revving up in anticipation! Don't worry about it because hearing those babies purr really gets me going!"

Jirou screamed into her hands once again. Not only was she talking to someone named Iida, the Iida she was talking too also had an engine related quirk. If she were any more naive, Jirou might have surmised it as an even greater coincidence but things meshed up too well for Midnight's mystery lover to be anyone other than Iida.

"What should I wear for tonight, darling?" there was a murmur from the other end of the phone that Jirou couldn't really make out but she did hear the Midnight's sultry chuckle in response

"Mmm, you want me to be naked? How am I not surprised? That's how you always preferred me when we're together..."

Jirou now had the knowledge that Iida probably saw Midnight more times with her clothes off than with her clothes on. At this point she wasn't even surprised by that fact. She was really disgusted that she knew that but not surprised.

When Midnight started sliding her hands inside her blouse, Jirou unplugged her headphones. She heard more than enough and didn't want to hear her teacher getting her rocks off when she could be doing literally anything else right now. She shuddered one last time before walking away.

Unfortunately, Jirou didn't stay long enough to hear the end of the conversation between Midnight and Iida.

"Thanks for the _exhilarating_ phone sex, Tensei! I was thinking about you all day and I needed something to tide me over until tonight. I gotta go pick which flowers we're gonna have with Tenya now, alright? Love you, darling!"

Jirou arrived in common room in a state of disarray that all of her friends noticed. She was usually so calm and collected, so her seeing her in such a state alerted everyone that something was wrong.

"Jirou, you look you've seen a ghost!" Yaoyorozu exclaimed

"Yeah, what did you see to get you like this?" Uraraka questioned

"I heard Midnight talking to someone on the phone and decided to eavesdrop on what she was saying."

Mina laughed "No wonder why you're so creeped out! She must have been saying some nasty shit, am I right?"

Jirou shook her head "That's not what messed me up! I _expect_ as much from Midnight, it was _who_ she was talking to that freaked me out!?

Kirishima scratched his head "Was she having phone sex with another teacher like Present Mic or something?"

"Try student!"

Sero's eyes widened in surprise in surprise "Midnight's sleeping with a UA student?!" he then palmed his chin and began thinking "I'm pretty sure she's doing one of the third-year students. If this gets out, UA could be in trouble!"

Jirou shook her head once again "She's not sleeping with a third-year student!"

Bakugou spoke up at this point "Well fucking spit it out, already and stop making us wait! Jesus fucking Christ, this shit is annoying! Who even give a shit about who that perverted ass teacher is-"

"She's sleeping with Iida"

Bakugou stopped mid-rant while everyone else started freaking out.

Uraraka clasped her cheeks with her hands in astonishment. By the time her brain processed what she had just heard, she didn't care that she made herself float to the ceiling.

Midoriya just fainted when he heard what Jirou said.

Todoroki's confusion was understated compared to Midoriya and Uraraka but he was also having a hard time processing the information. "Iida and Midnight? This is...unexpected"

"You're damn right it's unexpected! Mineta yelled out "How the hell did the king of the nerds manage to bag Midnight?!"

"Maybe because he's not two-foot-tall gremlin, Mineta" Kirishima deadpanned.

Yaoyorozu's face was beet red "We should report this immediately...I think."

"But Iida is our friend! He might get expelled if we rat him out!" Tooru pleaded

"That may be true but should we allow Midnight to take advantage of one of her students? It's not ethical at all" Yaoyorozu refuted.

"Taking advantage?" Kaminari questioned "The guy's banging Midnight! If that's called being taken advantage of then sign me the fuck up!"

Their argument was cut off by the arrival of the man of the hour himself.

"Good evening anyone. Why is Midoriya sleeping on the floor?"

"Hey Four Eyes, where the hell were you?"

"I was with Midnight."

Bakugou laughed "holy shit!"

Iida's face adopted a quizzical expression "Is everything alright?"

Yaoyorozu stepped forward "Iida, what's your relationship with Midnight?"

"I believe she's a fine teacher and pro hero and that's why I help her with various tasks."

"Is there anything _else_ going on between the two of you?"

Iida smiled and let out a light sigh "I suppose it was going to become known sooner or later. It's quite embarrassing really and I assumed that none of you would really be interested. But you are my friends and you do have the right to know…"

Bakugou spit out the water he began drinking "You fucking think, Four Eyes!?"

"Midnight is going to be my sister in law!"

There was a collective "what" that reverberated throughout the room.

"Is anything wrong?"

Mina spoke up "so it wasn't you that Jirou heard Midnight having phone sex with?"

Iida raised his hand and began speaking before pausing for a moment. "That is quite the question, Ashido"

Yaoyorozu facepalmed "Jirou, you must have heard Midnight talking to Iida's older brother!"

"Oh...that makes sense."

"Yes, she is a relationship with my brother."

"Oh, so when she was talking about getting-"

Iida cut her off "Please...I'd rather not hear such things"

Uraraka, who was still stuck on the ceiling at this point spoke up "We should all congratulate Midnight on getting married."

Iida narrowed his eyes in realization "Wait, did you all think Midnight and I were having an affair?!"

* * *

Nemuri Kayama found herself curling into Tensei's body as their night ended. Their wedding was in two months and it was rare for them to have some time to themselves in between all the planning they had to do.

"I just want this damn wedding over with so we can get back to the fun stuff!"

Tensei rolled his eyes "By "fun stuff" you mean those weird ideas that you keep thinking to "spice up our relationship" don't you?"

"Hey! They're not all weird!"

"Honey, you suggested that we fuck during a parent teacher conference."

"Don't lie and tell me you don't find that hot!"

"Sorry, but I don't want any parent or student to see us in such a compromising position. We're already treading some thin ice here since I'm related to one of your students."

Nemuri scoffed "Shota used the fact that Tanya's grades have been almost perfect in my class perfect ever since we started dating but his grades are like that for every class! Besides, he's dating Emi who's another teacher and that's frowned upon too!"

"I'm mean it is weird that I'm dating my little brother's teacher…"

"I dunno, it kinda turns me on…"

"Everything turns you on!"


End file.
